and this is what I think:

Well. That was a big ol’ househunting FAIL.

We looked at two properties yesterday. The first was clearly advertised as a duplex… and I don’t know about you, but “duplex” to me suggests that it is one half of a house that is split in two and occupied by two sets of tenants. “Duplex” suggests things like a yard.

The place we looked at? Well, we arrived at the property. Two levels – just like the photo. Two mail boxes – 96A and 96B. Cool – it’s a duplex, right? Wrong. The agent arrived and told us that the ground level was actually one unit, and the top level was another! But there were clearly only two mailboxes… and yet somehow this “duplex” was one double-storey house, and two units! WTF? The “duplex” that we were there to visit was actually the top level unit (apartment), which infuriated me no end as the ad clearly stated that pets were allowed… and I’m not sure where they expected us to house our pet, given that it has no garden (nor even a balcony!). The only “yard” was open to the street, and was actually the driveway upon which someone else’s car was parked.

False advertising? I think so. No wonder it had been on the market for so long. Oh, and did I mention the fact that it was $350 per week? I’m happy to pay that amount for a house, and at a pinch I would even pay if for a duplex or townhouse, but I’m not paying it for a 2 bedroom apartment with no balcony and a shared mail box. Grrr.

The second property we looked at was just too small. We knew it would be, but it was seriously tiny, and the backyard was a jungle. The fencing the entire way around the yard was terribly broken, and the sleepout was dark and dingy.

So instead of heading back to the drawing board, we’re just thinking of throwing the drawing board away. That’s right: as of this weekend, The Great Clean Up and Re-arrange begins. We aren’t being kicked out of our current house any time soon; we’re not even on a lease. So we’re going to do something that I’ve been thinking about doing for ages: we’re going to make this house pretty, and we’re going to grin and bear the heat for a bit longer. Realistically, we’ve only got four months of the year that the house is even warm, with maybe six weeks of unbearable heat wherein we can’t sleep and can’t cook and can’t move because it’s too damn hot. That leaves 46 weeks of each year wherein the house is actually not so bad (until the mice come in winter, that is!).

And then we’re going to pull on our tightest pair of saving-pants, and we’re going to save our arses off, and then we’re going to buy a house in 2011. It will be painful, but worth it to not have to play the rental game anymore.

Cross your fingers for us.

Rhys and I have been househunting for the past month. The verdict? It sucks, really really sucks.

It’s a bit naff to bitch and moan about the heat in summer. Everyone knows it’s hot. It’s even more ridiculous to go on and on and on in Facebook status updates and tweets about how luxurious your air conditioning is. Really? You have air con, and it’s cool? Fuck off.

We don’t have aircon. We don’t even have insulation, so put that one in your pipe and smoke it.

Rather than whinging about the heat (although, to be fair, we’ve been doing a fair bit of that too), Rhys and I have decided that we have to move now, or forever hold our peace. The problem is that the rental market isn’t exactly spewing forth options for a young semi-professional couple (I say that because Rhys has a profession, but I do not) with a dog and a pretty limited budget. If we could afford to pay upwards of $500 per week for a place, we’d seriously be laughing. But we can’t. We’re looking for somewhere, preferably a free-standing house that isn’t a duplex or a townhouse or in any way sharing a block with another human being, with at least two but preferably three bedrooms, in any one of about ten suburbs that we’ve deemed worthy of housing us for the next couple of years.

In other words, we’re pretty picky. We love inner city… but not too far east, north or south. At the moment though, our hearts are lying with heading west, towards the beach… but nothing north of Trigg, or south of Cottesloe (that’s Rhys’s doing, mind you. I’d live anywhere down to South Fremantle, and east to Applecross). Our eastern boundary for coastal suburbs is drawn between Innaloo and Wembley… and for anyone who knows Perth, that means we’re really not leaving very many options open. We would prefer an old house with wooden floor boards and air conditioning (or, at the very least, ceiling fans!) than a new house with tiles, because new houses are somewhat empty, lacking character.

All this, for the low low sum of $300-$350 per week. Needless to say, we’re not having much luck. I search every day, and a heap of houses come up, but there’s always something wrong: a villa, no pets, outdoor toilet, disgusting bathroom. The bathroom in our current house is possibly one of the ugliest, most dodgy rooms in a house in living history. We can’t downgrade from that, yet we managed to look at a place a fortnight ago that had fibro walls in the bathroom, complete with mold, and a green bathtub/shower wherein the shower head was so low that we’d both have had to squat in order to showe beneath it. Lovely.

We’re looking at a place this afternoon that goes against one of our (well, my) primary rules: it’s a duplex. However, it’s only a handful of streets back from the beach. It’s cheap. It has floorboards, ceiling fans, two bedrooms and a sleepout. It’s going to be tiny compared to our current house, but I’m willing to bet it’s nowhere near as hot. I’m crossing my fingers.