Epiphany, part two: Exercise, and why it’s okay to suck.

I have this massive complex about exercise. I think I should be really good at everything from the first time I try it, but because I’m not, I usually quit before I’ve really begun.

It’s something that plagues pretty much every aspect of my life. The curse of the perfectionist means that I’m really loathe to try, in case I’m not any good, or in case I look silly, or in case I don’t really enjoy it and have to back track. I’m also bad at setting goals, and even worse at sticking to them.

Exercise & athleticism is one area that gets me down. The fact is that I’m not lithe and aerodynamic. I’m heavy and awkward and asthmatic, not a good combination for fitness finesse in anyone’s books. But… if I don’t work out, I won’t get any less heavy. My fitness won’t improve. So that means that I need to try new things and accept the fact that, in the beginning, I will probably be incredibly shit at whatever I try.

I have these lofty fitness-related ambitions. To run a marathon. To take part in the Open Water Swim series, and eventually do the Rottnest Swim (probably as part of a team, as I can’t visualise myself ever managing 19.7km on my own). To complete a full Ironman.

Last week I ran just over a kilometre. It hurt. I haven’t got in a pool, other than to cool off from the heat, in a good six months. And cycling? My bike tires could not be less flat.

So, as you can see, there’s a bit of a distance between What I want to do and What I can currently sort of do a little bit. However, in the middle there’s this stubborn, perfectionist pain in the arse who expects to be able to wake up tomorrow and go for a casual 5km jog, despite the fact that, really, I am incredibly unfit. And lazy. And noncommittal.

This post isn’t so much about an epiphany, because I certainly haven’t found any answers, as it is about trying to convince myself that it’s okay to be shit at something for a while.

It’s also about consistency. Lately, I have not been very consistent. I am very much an all-or-nothing person. It’s a bad trait. Truly. I will be an absolute gung-ho nutcase when it comes to eating well and exercising for a period of about two weeks, and then everything falls apart. I get sick, so I quit. I get invited out to dinner, so I take that as my cue to eat everything for a while. This inconsistency is what’s doing my head in. How hard is it, really, for me to say, “I will go to the gym six days this week”, and then do it — this week, and next week, and for the next X weeks after that? Also, I need to get my head around the idea that yes, I could run in 2008 – back when I used to run four or five days a week, and swim three days a week, and go to the gym four days a week – but that doesn’t mean I can do any of that now. I slacked off and I am simply not as strong or fit! But that’s not to say that I won’t be.

If I sit on my arse though, I will not get fit.

If I accept that things take time, but that in time, I will get fit again, then guess what?

Yeh.

Either way, sitting on my butt will not get me closer to that marathon, or open water swim, or Ironman. It’s just not humanly possible. Yes, there are people who go from couch potato to sub-4:00 marathon runner without any training. They’re the exception, not the rule. For most people it takes years of training at sports that, in all honesty, are not much fun. Physically exerting yourself is not fun. Waking up at stupid o’clock in the morning to work out before the heat sets in is not fun. Going to the gym after work when you just want to go to the pub is not fun. But the other things – the benefits – that you get from doing all this? They are fun. And worth it.

So, like my post on burgers the other day, I need to buck up and accept that part of life is doing things that are Less Fun Than Other Things, and doing them regardless, because the trade off is pretty sweet.

And why should other people get to experience the awesomeness of crossing the line in an Ironman, and not me? I’m sure I’m not the only fatty in the world who’s said, “I’m going to do that one day” – there’s this guy, for a start. And what makes him any better than me?

Nothing. Game on.